Please don’t ask me to be a people person

So, I spend a lot of my day going back and forth about what I want to do with my life. I’m 33, I have half a degree, random certifications in a handful of things including a Paramedic Certification, a Board Certification as an Educational Advocate and one in Functional Behavioral Assessments. I have spent countless hours learning about photography, essential oils, music, art and history. I’ve had five college majors and I think it’s safe to say at this point, I simply have NO clear direction in life.

I know what I like doing…I like grabbing my paints and whipping up some kind of heirloom arts and crafts that I can pass down to my kids later in life. Like right now, there are wooden advent calendar Christmas trees mid-paint sitting on my dining room table. I have hopes and dreams that they’ll look beautiful on the entryway cubby thing starting the day after Thanksgiving. There are also 3-D like stockings that I started last year and, since they were much more complicated than I imagined, they didnt get finished. But…the thought is there and I’m about to pick them up again and finish them this year. Again, my hope is that they will be around when my kids are grown, much like the stocking from my childhood is still around at my grandmothers house.

I guess I’m a bit of a dreamer. I cried the entire time I was putting China from my husbands great-grandmother that my mother-in-law gave us, into the China cabinet also given to us that was his grandparents. I have a family dining room set, and dishes…stupid things to cry about, but I ALWAYS dreamed that some day, I would have someone’s dishes. That didnt happen in my family, I guess we’re just not that family. I have an 80 year old engagement ring (and a wedding band that was custom made to match) because I loved the thought that this ring had a story. Of course, I don’t know what the story was. We got it from an antique jeweler in Boston, but I’d like to think that it made someone happy during it’s original time in life. I also want to imagine that some day when I’m gone, it will make my daughter, or daughter in law or granddaughter just as happy.

But I digress….I’m just not a people person. I’m an imagination person, one who likes to go inside myself and think of ways to pull creativity from within and scatter it about the world before I leave it. I want to be remembered, but for the time I’m here, I don’t want to be noticed. I don’t like big groups of people, as much as I have desperately tried to like big groups of people. I was out to dinner with a group of ladies I love to death just a few weeks ago, and one of them kept saying that “we have to work on Kelly’s conversation initiation”, to which  my only reply was that I was just having fun sitting and listening, chiming in if I had something to add, but for the most part, simply being a people watcher. That’s my lot in life, and I’m not disappointed about that. I don’t feel like I’m missing out by being the wallflower; I participate when I see a moment I want to participate in. Yes, it’s completely true that being in a crowd makes me want to crawl out of my own skin and find a corner to hide in, but that’s what my other half in life is for. My dear husband enjoys people, loves happy hour, teaches in front of big groups and genuinely knows how to be a people person. I on the other hand, well, much like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally, I know how to fake it.

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So, to those who are still reading this after all my random rambling, please don’t ask me to be a people person. I’m totally cool with watching from the sidelines. Every now and then there’s a game I like to play, and I’ll get off the bench for it when it happens!

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